Planurile vietii mele

Mai am 7 luni. In iulie 2012 voi fi studenta. In iulie 2012 voi fi altcineva. In vara totul se va schimba. La anu pe vremea asta totul va fi altfel, totul va arata altfel.....

 La anu pe vremea asta o sa port hainele alea pe care nu le pot purta acuma.....hainele alea de curva.... o sa port dantela si plasa si dresuri rupte

 La anu pe vremea asta el va fi al meu si ne vom iubi ca in filme. Vom fi romantici ca in romanele Ceceliei Ahern si perversi ca in filmele porno...

La anu pe vremea asta voi trai pe baza de alcool si tigari si voi umbla mai mult goala.....voi arata cat mai multa piele... il voi face pe iubi sa-si dea tricou jos ca sa nu omoare pe altii care se uita dupa mine....

La anu pe vremea asta voi fi acea femme fatale care nu cunoaste limite, dar care isi da hainele jos numai pentru EL...

La anu pe vremea asta nu-mi va pasa cine ma va vedea cu tigara in gura....

 La anu pe vremea asta voi trai pentru parul meu, poate ma voi vopsi, poate chiar o voi face...

 La anu pe vremea asta ma voi duce la miezul noptii la magazinul din colt ca sa-mi iau bautura si mancare...

La anu pe vremea asta n-o sa stau prin casa decat sa fac dus si sa-mi schimb hainele.....somn? Somn numai daca iubi e cu mine, dar cine are nevoie de somn cand poti face amintiri?

La anu pe vremea asta voi sta in bucatarie si voi bea vodka din sticla in timp ce ii prepar micul dejun lui iubi

 La anu pe vremea asta n-o sa dorm mai mult de 2 ore pe noapte...o sa dorm cu sticla de tequila in mana si pachetul de tigari ascuns sub perna...

La anu pe vremea asta o sa ma duc intr-un magazin de pantofi si o sa-mi cumpar ce-i mai tampiti pantofi, pantofii care cu siguranta imi vor rupe picioarele, pantofii pe care nici o persoana normala nu i-ar purta...















La anu pe vremea asta voi fi libera sa fac ce vreau, o sa stau cu noptile in cluburi, o sa fiu fata pe care el o vrea si totusi nu o vrea, o sa fiu cea care intoarce capete, o sa fiu fata care apare in poze, care este filmata de paparazzi. O sa-l sarut si o sa-i musc buzele pana ii da sangele o sa-l las sa-mi faca vanatai pe corp, o sa-l apuc de par si o sa-l trag in pat. O sa ne iubim, o sa traim, o sa fim rebeli, o sa fim cu prietenii. Eu o sa ma impart intre prietenele mele cele mai bune si iubi, o sa fiu eu si in sfarsit o sa fie bine. Abia astept ca liceul sa se incheie si sa vina acea viata dupa care tanjesc, acea viata pe care o vad numai in poze si filme.

Your Jar of Hearts

Today, as I walked down the fucking streets, I was thinking of you and the things we've been through. I want to say thank you for the beautiful time we had together, but also I want to say "thank you" for all the shit you put me through.
Sometimes, I forget the pain you brought in my life and accept you back, but now, if you come back, I swear to God I will punch you in the face and hit you with a stick in the balls till you're sore. No more, please. No more! I am tired and this love-hate relationship cannot go on. Maybe you're right. Maybe we'll meet in the future, two grown-ups and give it a try then, but till then, I say good-bye and that I do not want you. I don't want you now. Please, leave me alone. Good-bye my lover, you came for me again and took everything I had in my heart. The little jar that held my heart and soul is now empty. I'm sure yours is full, full with my life. I will move on, I swear, I have to move on. I have my friends who will stand by my side and who love me. I love them. Right now, they're the only people I love.
You broke all your promises. Who do you think you are?Going round leaving scars....

The xenophobia ironed a pancake

Never say never..

Cand suntem mici ne facem o lista de reguli. Ne juram ca nu vom face ceva pentru ca asa ne-au spus parintii. De cate ori nu spuneam "Niciodata nu o sa..."? Va spun eu, de mult prea multe ori. One too many I can say. Pot spune 4 lucruri/reguli pe care le-am incalcat.

1. I will never wear makeup
Aveam 5 ani si ma plimbam cu mami prin oras. La un moment dat o doamna machiata trece pe langa noi. Mami o fixeaza cu privirea si apoi se intoarce spre mine. Imi spune ca acea femeie arata atat de imbatranita din cauza fondului de ten si fardurilor. Imi spune sa nu ma machiez vreodata, asta daca nu vreau sa arat la 30 de ani ca la 75. Eu, copil asculator cum eram i-am spus: "Stai linistita mami. Nu ma voi machia niciodata!". 11 ani mai tarziu un prieten se apropie de mine cu un creion dermatograf si ma indragostesc. Ma indragostesc de acea senzatie pe care ti-o da creionul care se misca pe piele, felul in care un simplu gest te poate schimba atat de mult. Devenisem dependenta de acel creion negru si efectiv il devoram. Am purtat ochi de panda pentru o perioada apoi am reusit sa ma machiez mai "normal", dar asta nu conteaza. Conteaza ca mi-am incalcat prima regula: "I will never wear makeup."

2. I will never drink alcohol"
Tin minte ca eram la o terasa si ma jucam cu paiul prin suc in timp ce asteptam pizza. Ma plictiseam asa ca m-am intors spre tata, apoi spre paharul din fata lui. O bere rece racorea sticla neteda. Il trag pe tata de maneca. Se uita spre mine si ma intreaba senin:"Ce vrei mita?" Ma uit la bere,"Pot sa beau si eu?". Tata rade si imi spune ca sunt prea mica pentru bere. Da, adevarat aveam numai 6 ani, dar eram curioasa. Il rog din nou si imi spune ca pot sa gust. Smulg paiul din sucul de portocale si il pun in spuma alba. Beau. Un gust amar imi ataca limba. Scot limba afara, parca incercand sa elimin acel gust de pe ea. Toti cei de la masa rad. Eu pufnesc, parca incercand sa scot flacari pe nas si ma intorc la sucul meu. Ma uit la pahar si spun:" Nu voi bea niciodata alcool." Trec 9 ani si eram pe drum spre Geo. Ajung la el si mergem in bucatarie. Usa frigiderului se deschide si Geo parca intra in el, apoi apare cu doua sticle de bere in mana. Voiam sa spun nu, dar nu doream sa par prea ciudata asa ca mi-am incolacit degetele in jurul sticlei. O apropii de buze si astept ca acel gust amar sa-mi inunde simturile. Spre surprinderea mea nu se intampla asa ceva. Parca isi schimbase gustul in toti acei ani. Devenise, nu stiu, dulce? Apetisanta? Nu stiu, dar doream mai mult. Inca o regula sparta: "I will never drink alcohol."

3. I will never smoke.
Aveam 7 ani. Eram la mare. Tati langa mine. Il vad cum baga mana in buzunarul pantalonilor si scoate o cutie alba cu rosu. O deschide si coata o cutie in forma de cilindru, o pune intre buze si ii da foc. Fumul iese si cilindrul arde. Ce se intampla? "Tata, ce e aia?" "O tigara." "Si ce faci cu ea?" "Se fumeaza.". Fumul ma ineca. Nu-mi placea mirosul, nu-mi placea gustul. Imi facea rau. "Toti trebuie sa fumam?" l-am intrebat in timp ce imi miscam mainile in jurul meu, incercand sa alung acel miros din jurul meu. "Nu, sa nu te apuci de fumat. Niciodata. Nu e sanatos. Eu fumez ca nu ma pot opri. Am inceput cand eram tanar si acum nu mai scap." L-am ascultat si mi-am spus: "Niciodata nu voi fuma."
In clasa a X-a, intr-o miercuri eram nervoasa dupa ora de fizica. Aproape ca ma luasem la bataie cu directoru pentru o problema de fizica. O colega se apropie de mine cu o tigara si imi spune ca trag un fum, ma va calma si a pus tigara langa buzele mele. N-am vrut si am plecat. In pauza urmatoare, iar un car de nervi si accept tigara. In acea clipa s-a mai spart o regula. Mi-am luat pachete, am fumat si totusi nu regret. I will never smoke. Yeah right...

4.I will NEVER date someone wrong for me
Dupa prima mea relatie mi-am spus ca nu voi fi ever cu vreun "analfabet", un tip cu care nu pot avea o conversatie normala, un tip care gandeste cu p******. Si totusi am realizat ca toti vrem asta. Toti vrem sa fim intr-o relatie cu cineva cu care nu suntem compatibili. Cineva care, in comparatie cu noi, e un bou, nu stie ce vrea, iti vine sa-l iei la bataie. Timp de o luna in acest an am fost cu cineva pe care imi venea sa il omor de fiecare data cand il vedeam. Imi venea sa-i rup gatul, sa-l fac sa taca. Ma duc la un concert si il intreb daca vrea sa vina si el. Cand mi-a dat raspunsul imi venea sa-l iau de par si sa-l izbesc de fiecare perete care imi iesea in cale. "Nu ma duc eu la concerte unde sunt toti jegosii si imputitiii care se freaca de mine." Indirect, m-a facut jegoasa si imputita. Asta a fost picatura care a umplut paharul. Pa, pa, esti prost si bou, ne mai vedem.  L-am iubit? Nu. Doua persoane am iubit cu adevarat in viata asta. Prostii nu merita iubire. Prostii merita mila. Punct si de la capat. I will never date someone wrong for me.....I already did.

What childhood rules did you break as a teen?

The blood on the sheets....

...reminds me of last night

Sunt hipster.....

....deci exist :))
Pt ca port ochelari "de vedere" XXL, cercei fara pereche, haine vintage si casti XXL

 Pt ca ascult trupe inainte ca ele sa ajunga "mainstream", port IPodul in buzunar, am casti XXL si o pereche de casti colorate.

 Pentru ca nimic nu ma impresioneaza, sunt bi, politically liberal, imi plac chestiile hand-made, sunt dependenta de carti si pun flori la presat.

Sunt hipster pentru ca am combinat mai multe stiluri (rock, punk, metal, goth, J-rock si most importantly Hipster!!) si am iesit eu, produs unicat :))

Today I met the whore....

I lit the cigarette my friend gave me. I took a long drag and stared at the building before me. The smoke was rising. Ah freedom!
"I gotta buy myself a pack these days.....yeah.....maybe a pack of Kent. I know I said I'd give up smoking, but I need a smoke from time to time. Yeah, I know, my nerves are weak." I thought while staring at the cigarette.
The cancer stick dies down and I walk into the shop. I need some gum, and a Coca-Cola..... and yeah, some gum. I reach out for the black drink. Another hand wants the same bottle.
"Um, sorry" an squeaky voice is heard and the hand moves to a different bottle. I quickly wash the wtf?! look off my face and carry on. I pay for the stuff that are meant to slightly erase the ashy taste of cigarettes off my tongue.
"I gotta sit down" I said, feeling my stomach twist with hunger.
The bench seemed far away but I managed to reach it. I closed my eyes and opened the bottle of dark liquid, taking big gulps. I opened my pack of gum and slipped one in my mouth. Then, I pulled out my phone, dialed a number and placed the addicting object to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Snake, where are you? You said we'd meet today. We haven't seen each other since you know who left" I said adjusting the tutu around my waist.
"I know sweets. I'm on my way. Where are you?" Such a calm voice.
"I'm in front of the National Bank. I'll wait here. My shoes killed me," I said staring down at my heels. Yeah, 10 cm. I'm a genius. Thank God I was smart enough to put a pair of flats in my bag.
"Okay babe. Sit there." he said then hung-up.
I sighed, then though about the cigarette I just smoked. I wanted another one, but I knew Snake had some, so I decided to wait.
10 minutes in my waiting period, a stranger walked up to me.
"Hey beautiful. You're looking good. Can I have your number?"
"Um, sorry. I don't know it by heart and I forgot my phone home." I said giving him an innocent smile.
"Hm, yeah. Your loss" he said in a flirty tone, then left.
Yeah right, like I haven't heard that one before. Are you fucking serious? Man-whores! I'm starting to have a strange feeling of disgust towards men. Maybe, I'll turn completely gay one day. Hmm.....neah!
I pulled my phone out again. I called Snake. 'Just don't move' he said. Aw come on! Move!
I looked down and drank some more Cola. Then, I saw him. His phone was stuck to his ear. His blonde, razor cut hair was moving from side to side and some flowers were tied to his hand.
He moved his phone from his ear as soon as he was before me. His smile was true and I couldn't help but hug him as tight as I could.
"I missed you" I murmured into his shoulder.
"I missed you too, you big goof".
He gave me the roses, telling me they reminded him of me. The white petals reminded him of me. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I think I understand what he's getting at.
"Let's go drink a beer" he said taking my hand and interlocking our fingers. It's been too long since a guy held my hand like this. I had forgotten the feeling.
"No", I said tugging onto his hand, "Let's go drink a cocktail."
He smiled showing me his perfect white teeth, then nodded his head.
"But first," he reached for the pocket at his chest and pulled out a new pack of Kent Convertibles, "We gotta smoke a short one".
He took one then offered me a cancer stick as well. Snake pulled out a box of matches and lit the two cigarettes. He leaned against the wall while I stood before him. We both took the first drag at the same time, then laughed. After all this time, we were still in full sync.
"You know", he said after the laugher had died down, "John's been asking about you...a lot"
"Really?"
John. Hot ass John. The guy every girl wants. The bad-ass punk. The dude that presents himself as Long-John. The guy I wish I had. The guy that has been asking about me. What does this mean?
"You know, I think he likes you" Snake said while taking two consecutive drags.
"Yeah, right. I think he'll learn how to light a match with his teeth before that ever happens" I took a drag, slightly pissed off.
"You know, he can do it now" Snake laughed as he pulled out his cell phone. He seemed to be searching for something before he gave me the phone.
A small 15 seconds video. John lighting a match with his teeth, then smiling at the camera. I looked up towards Snake. He grabbed my hand and led me towards the pub.
"So?" he asked
"So what?"
"So are you gonna meet him or let the whore take over?"
I frowned. I didn't really understand what was happening. Who was the whore? What did she want? And what was her role in this story? Snake just rolled his eyes and pulled me into the pub. We went down the stairs and I saw him. John was sitting on one of the leather couches lazily smoking a cigarette. A beer laid before him and on his right..... this chick. A cherry. I swear she was a cherry girl. She was constantly grabbing his arm and giggling like a worn-out machine. John's face was telling each guy "I'm keeping her for sex" but to me it looked like he was trying to say "Can I have a gun? I need to shoot some bitches".
Snake gave my hand a gentle squeeze before pulling me towards John and the little slut.
"I brought the cookie!" Snake said loudly while sitting down and pulling me too. John looked up and his face instantly lit up with a smile.
"Oh my God. Look what the snake ate. A little cookie. What's up pie? I haven't seen you in like 4 months. I missed you."
I smiled towards him, "Yeah, I know. I missed you too John".
He looked at me for a second before opening his arms, then putting them back on his knees. I understood his message and got up as he was already standing. My arms wrapped around his back as his wrapped around my waist. I felt his chin on my head and there was nothing I could do, but hide my face into his neck, taking in the scent I once forgot.
An annoying sound broke our state. Hey, I know that voice. I looked over John's shoulder and saw the bitch. If looks could kill I'd be six feet under. I looked at John then broke the hug. He didn't seem to like the idea.
I sat down between Snake and John. That made both of them smile. The chick kept killing me with her fake blue eyes.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"Nicole. And you?"
She smirked and grabbed John's arm," I'm his wifey"
He rolled his eyes, then pulled his arm out of her grip. She tried to grab it again, but in vain.
"What.Are.You.Doing?" she said between gritted teeth.
"I think he's telling you to back off or that you're eating his air" Snake said while drinking his beer.
She glared at my friend, then adjusted her blouse, pulling it more, exposing her cleavage even more. God, are those fake? Yeah, they are. 100% sure.
"Hm, are you transsexual?" she asked me in her annoying voice.
I turned to her and glared daggers. What the fuck? I rolled my eyes and didn't answer, but she continued.
"I think you are. I'm sure you're actually a dude," she said smirking.
That's it! I stood up and walked around the table in order to be in front of her. I grabbed the fruity drink that she had ordered and poured it over her head. She screamed as everyone laughed at her sorry little whore ass. I was not surprised when she lunged herself towards me, but I managed to move just in time for her to fly on the floor, her skirt flipping.
"Watch it whore."
She cried as loud as anyone could, then ran out. I felt arms wrapping around me. I know these arms. Looking up I smiled at John, then rested the back of my head on his shoulder. It felt good. Kicking someone's ass for making a move on my man and for trying to play me on their fingers, but also, for having John here.

Today, I met the whore, but won what I wanted. There are more whores out there and I know what they're implying, but they'll never win.

Listen to me girlies. Whatever you do, you won't pull me down. EVER!