Friday, 17th May,2000
Can I say stop? I don't think so. I cannot stop. I thought I would see justice, I thought I would write history, but it seems that everything is against me, Jinx ignores me. She thinks I'm weak and keeps telling me to stop complaining. She keeps telling me that everything me we do is good, but I feel that something is not right.
I don't feel the things I used to feel. I don't feel that happiness when I saw the flames dancing or when I offered the bullet's freedom. I feel guilty. I feel my heart become heavy and I can carry her no more. With each deed, with each moment I start on the streets, my eyes close and start fighting with tears... and I cannot stop them. They start sweeping down my cheeks and, although I try, I cannot stop.
I don't feel the things I used to feel. I don't feel that happiness when I saw the flames dancing or when I offered the bullet's freedom. I feel guilty. I feel my heart become heavy and I can carry her no more. With each deed, with each moment I start on the streets, my eyes close and start fighting with tears... and I cannot stop them. They start sweeping down my cheeks and, although I try, I cannot stop.
And now?...After all this? Now, I realize all that I have done and I cannot help but confess:
I'm turning into a civilized human...
